LETTING GO
I never realized how much I liked quotes until I began writing this column. For the most part I don't remember where the quotes come from but I paraphrase them as well as my faulty memory permits. So here we go again ... "Just because someone screwed up part of your life, don't give them permission to screw up the rest of it."
This one isnšt hard to understand, but it can be a monumental task to follow, because we are molded by our past experiences. No one has a 'perfect' life, we all carry scars of one sort or another. Some of us have faced horrible moments ... A woman who is raped may find it impossible to trust men. Children physically or emotionally abused may be filled with torment all of their lives and have a warped view of how a 'family' should be. The death of a loved one may be terrible to deal with ... how do we let go? Finding out their partner has been
unfaithful can trap some in a cauldron of boiling emotions.
I lived next door to an elderly man and woman several years ago. She had caught him cheating forty years earlier. They didn't divorce or seperate, but he moved to the walkout basement and she took the first floor of the house. In talking with the man I found they hadn't spoken a word in decades and he didn't even know where she worked. To me it was a terrible waste. These two stopped living when hurt, pain and anger hit them between the eyes and they gave up the rest of their lives to these emotions. They had choices. Possibly they could have
worked together on their problems and ultimately made a good marriage, or they could have parted and each found a new life. Instead they chose to let negative emotions consume them and they threw away what could have been many happy years.
No matter what happened in the past ... it is in the past, so why throw away today, tomorrow and the next day because of it? It's over and done with and there's no such thing as getting even. We can spend the rest of our lives wallowing in anger and hatred, but time won't back up even one second so we can change anything.
The answer to letting go can be amazingly simple. It can be just choosing to do it ... making a conscious choice not to let it steal anymore of our lives. In some cases seeking out a professional counsellor can be a big help. They can shorten the trip out into the sunshine by months or years.
I've met people who have had Parkinson's Desease for years and were still dealing with anger. They can get mad as hell but tomorrow they are probably going to wake up with PD. We can think about how things 'were' or how they 'should be' all we want and it will only add to our frustrations and anger. When we can see how things 'are' and learn to accept them as part of our lives ... to say, 'This is where I'm at today, now lets see what I can do.'
send mail to John at:
jcrusey@woh.rr.com
y@woh.rr.comwoh.rr.com
