The Letter "D"
 

While cleaning out my closet and trying to go through and condense some photograph albums, I paused to rest and let my fingers travel down memory lane. The first thing I noticed was that the years have sped by and now my children are grown, gone and have children of their own. I was young and very thin and smiling and full of vitality. The chapters of my life flowed on till I came onto the 1990's volume. It was right there in full blown color, the ravages of Parkinson's, and how my pictures changed in just a few short years. The early 90's showed a woman with a cupped hand as if it were sprained. Each successive year definitely evidenced an increase over my once slim frame. That woman in the picture no longer wore a big smile, it seemed faded. And I noticed that I was not in as many pictures. Truthfully, I try to find myself an empty spot so as not to be asked to get in the picture and oft times, I cannot attend family events because of Parkinson's. Look at me now, look what you've done to me, you thief in the night, you seek and destroy and you found me, and in your wake you have left DEPRESSION.

After ten years of living with the debilitating effects of Parkinson's including tremors, sleeplessness, falls, broken bones, DROOL and DYSTONIA, there came the next phase of my life, DISABILITIY. My abilities to run a clerical office diminished to the point that the little voice inside says "It's time to leave with a little dignity while you can." And when you are 48 years old and fully medically retired, DISABILITY does lead to DEPRESSION as each day becomes more dystonic than the last. And the letter "D" goes on ...

I met with a friend the other day for lunch. I was late as usual because I suddenly found myself in an off condition, which seems to be happening all the time as of late, due to an abundance of life's little crooks and forks in the road. The problem that day was trying to get a pair of slacks on after taking a shower. Thank God they were stretch material because with all my might I was pulling on them as if they were a huge piece of taffy. After about ten minutes I was successful unlike that previous week, when after all my struggles the slacks were on backward.
 
Getting back to the original story point here, I started my lunch with the usual type of "Parky" cocktail plus medication for arthritis. "My God!" my friend wailed, "You take all those DRUGS in one day?". There's another "D" word, if there ever was one my friends. And it's a damnable one. Drugs can harm and drugs can save. Blessings to the creators of these that give us some mobility and sense of being, but there are days when this addiction to a "Parky" cocktail is more than I (and I know a lot of you) can handle.
 
Can you remember your parents saying, "Can't you sit still?" Well now a lot of us PD kids can say "no" because, you guessed it DYSKINESIA. I don't know why the calories don't just float off our bodies with all the rocking and rolling and rocking and reeling that we have going on! My doctor got tired just from watching me on my last visit.

The cookies in this package are not just broken, they have been mangled and tromped upon underfoot. We are continually reforming and remodeling ourselves to fit in into an able bodied world. Some days I don't think I  can go on, and then my DEMENTIA sets in and I forget all the yesterdays. Once again, I am able to pick up the crumbs of my cookie and go on.


Carolyn

gunnyswife68@yahoo.com