Inertia

by pwnkle

This issue was intended for publication a few months ago but got shelved until now. The fault is mine for dragging my feet all this time. I think the problem was I have/had a case of apathy blues. In PD rhetoric it’s called ‘lack of motivation’. I call it ‘difficulty overcoming inertia’ and it’s a huge invisible wall.

For the past few years I’ve had lots of enthusiasm and would regularly stay up half the night working because I couldn’t tear myself away. Now if I stay up half the night I’m probably watching the Sci-Fi channel. So what gives?

I’ve talked to other PWP’s about this and have found that it’s a common problem. I wonder if it’s something that usually happens as Parkinson’s nibbles away at us. I wasn’t expecting this kind of erosion and there was no warning.

Another toxic offshoot of Parkinson’s that we’re usually unaware of when it first hits us is the panic attack. No warning there either. I wasted a lot of time with these before I discovered Xanax. Now I never leave the house without them.

When I get the first inkling of an incipient panic attack I start thinking;

• I’m a total arse

• Nobody likes me

• In fact they’re probably talking about me right now

• I should plan my escape (that’ll teach them)

• They’re actively against me

• I’m miserable

• Why can’t I stop crying

When these thoughts pop into my head I know that it’s time to go “running for the shelter of her mother’s little helper” which is preferable to wallowing in angst for hours or even days.

Why is there no warning that this can happen to us? Why aren’t we prepared with the information that they will pass and we will think rationally again. One little prescription and a ‘heads up’ could save someones life.