On April Fools Day 2000 I had to retire from a job in Michigan with the Parks and Recreation Department.  For me the event was bittersweet because I felt it was not my time to retire, I was only 47, but the workload was proving beyond my capabilities.  So with hugs and well wishes and gifts in hand I left the people that were a second family to me for over 10 years.

 

I started to notice odd changes in my body at age 32 but just put any health worries aside and believed my doctor that it was stress from carrying a heavy load on my shoulders.  I was working full time, taking eight credit hours at school and being a mom to four children.  I once came home from work and wondered why the ride was so quiet and peaceful; I had forgotten the kids at day care.  By 42 I developed a twisted or claw like hand along with rigidity and stiffness on one side of my body.  That's when my search for some real answers began. 

 

Getting back to my first days of retirement, I have to admit to loneliness, trying not to answer the telephone with a business greeting and having to revisit myself to find goals.  I'll never be bored I thought.  I love gardening, reading, cooking, sewing, visiting, floral arranging, writing and crafts. 

 

Yes, I love the above but good old Parkinson's is making his mark.  I seem to follow a cycle wherein every fall there is an increase is my disability.  It is ironic that autumn is my favorite time of year and now I have come to dread it.  I might get down on the knees to plant a few flowers but gosh knows if I can get up.  Some of the medications make me so tired and forgetful that I could probably read the same book twice and five days later not be able to tell you the whole story.  Lately when I visit friends, most of the time someone has to drive me, which adds insult to injury. 

 

There are two things that have not been taken away.  The first is my ability to journal and write.  In my young years I was one of the editors for our school paper.  I always pictured myself as a nurse or reporter.  The latter of which is as close to one that I will get via this column.  But I continue to muse and journal with hope that a book will be published some day.

 

Floral arranging is my forte and I have to admit to having a good eye for color, style and form and the more arrangements I do, the better I get.  We have tons of floral stems I purchase at the end of the seasons but there is such a feeling of accomplishment when I am done.  I use dishes and containers, anything from around the house and create it into something new.  That's the part that is satisfying.  This Christmas I made gifts for my husband's coworkers, a friend and one of my cousins.  A Christmas tree made out of a tomato cage and green garland covered with Doves and Cardinals, berries, ice stems, ribbon and more was probably the best gift I ever gave my parents.  Not because it was the prettiest, I am sure a trained individual could have done even more, but because it was a part of me.  A part of me that I cherish and hope and pray that I am still able to do ten years from now.  Remember the saying; love is not love till you give it away?  That's how I feel about floral arrangements; I can share my time and talents.  And the bible also reminds us that God does not want us to bury our talents under a rock but rather use them for His glory and honor.  So goes the Bright Side of My Broken Cookie.