What I Did This Summer...
by Laura Dean

I laughed, cried, got angry, and was overjoyed. My summer was very, very full. This was a summer for learning about emotions. Mine and others around me. It was a summer for learning patience, forgiveness and tolerance. A summer of searching and discovery. A summer for figuring out what being human means. A summer given to me by God...

I began this summer with a slap of reality. My neuro told me my pd had advanced dramatically, and I needed a dbs asap...or else I would soon be living in a nursing home. This hit so hard, the facade I had been wearing could no longer stay in place. Once it dropped to the floor, my image looked back at me... I decided to go for the dbs and it was scheduled for July 23...

The time between my postings about the dbs and the actual day of its arrival was spent in awe. The gifts of friendships, prayers, cards, flowers, and a very special prayer cloth came to my side... The joy was overwhelming.. and still is.. I will never be able to express what it all meant to me... ever.... thank you so very much.

The dbs went extremely smooth. God heard the prayers, and I felt Him by my side. The halo afterward hung around for a very long time...and although the rigidity returned... the pain didnt. And that in itself made everything worth it. Big tasks are becoming little again.. and hope is in my heart.

I am also off of 3 medications- neurontin, topamax, and benedryl... and have cut mirapex in half. My mind is clearing more and more, and the addition of paxil has helped much in the anxiety department.

My youngest daughter turned 18 in Sept. I no longer have a child.. but, I still have 3 children... Now 28, 26 and my baby ... Cameo. It is a feeling to become adjusted to.. The empty nest is closing in.. I have been a mother since I was 16. I don't quite know how I will feel once they are all gone.. I have not faced that yet.

Finally, this summer was one for self examination and confrontation. I found the Bible again, and began to immerse myself in His words. His message is coming across clearer and clearer... I need patience..

I feel more at ease at the close of this summer than i have for awhile. I have taken absence of many things that used to consume me, and spent that time on reflection. I have begun seeing an excellent counselor who has experience with people living with neurological conditions... and has helped me to find an answer to many questions..

I am human.