One moment in time is all it takes,
To forget who you are.
The lights go on and I see you again,
And realize you belong.
Where did my mind go?
What happened just then?
I sure am glad you're here.
Don't ever leave me alone again.
It's a frightening feeling to be estranged
From everything that you knew.
I don't ever wish to lose you.
With you I have sanity.
If my memory were better.
I would be stronger you know.
Things are the way they are.
Just know I appreciate you.
©PatriciaPerriman
Memory
Everyone forgets a face, a name, an address, or a number at some time in
his or her life. Many forget more often than others. This is a normal
thing that usually takes place because of distractions due to lack of
sleep, overwork, over stimulation and is only a temporary loss.
The brain is very sensitive to a number of factors, however any type of
chemical imbalance, usually caused by stress, disease, medicines, or
changes in daily habits can throw the thought and memory processes into a
frenzy. Most problems with memory are temporary and as soon as the
agitating factor is removed it returns to normal.
Parkinson's however has taken a devastating toll on my brain, memory and
thought processes. The medications required to control the symptoms of
this disease along with the area of my brain that is being affected have
totally changed my life.
I went to a neurologist for seven years prior to being diagnosed with
Parkinson's. I have had problems since my teens. My Father had Parkinson's
so this disease was not new to me. I had symptoms similar to him, but not
the severity that he had. Daddy's mind was good to the end but there were
loopholes in his memory.
He took Sinemet and medications for high blood pressure in the beginning
and later was placed on antidepressants. Sinemet was the same medication
the neurologist used to determine in fact I actually Parkinson's.
I was in my forty's before actually being diagnosed. When? I don't
remember. Memory and thought processing problems caused the loss of my job
along with the physical problems of stiffness and frequent falls. I was an
RN. I had finally achieved my goal only to be able to continue working for
four years. Sinemet had done wonders to keep me going for three years.
Little did I know that medications were building up in my system as it was
insidious and I did not recognize it? Nurses do not listen or take advice
well, much like doctors. Changing the chemistry in my brain, I started
getting easily agitated, super paranoid, increasingly forgetful, and
became insensitive to the needs of others around me. I became a totally
different person. I even started resenting my husband for the control he
was trying to take in my life. Someone needed to, bless his heart. I was
out of control and when I tried to run away from home to find peace and
quiet. I wound up in the hospital for five weeks, where I remained until
they could readjust my medication. The reality of that stay remains a
mystery.
A few weeks ago I had an episode where the caregiver came in from outside
and although she had been around all morning my brain shut off. I did not
recognize her and could not understand why this stranger didn't knock at
the door before entering. On went the switch and I felt so stupid and
embarrassed. For a few seconds I did not know where she was. I think it is
time to talk with the neurologist again about my medicines. That was
totally scary.
How to cope? I am keeping very busy with writing, trying to learn PSP,
genealogy, anything to stay busy. I connect with other people, in
different sites who share the same interests. I keep stimulating my brain
cells in everyway possible.
Listen to others who say your personality is changing. If they say that
doesn't sound like you listen. Tell your neurologist. For me treatment has
been by trial and error. Not every med is for everyone, nor is everyone
affected in the same part of the brain. Chemistry is the most important
and the hardest element to balance.
©2003 Patricia Perriman
On a personal note I wish to thank my
husband for staying by my side. I wish to thank PLWP for being the best
thing that has happened to this Parkinson's patient and the best support
group going on the net.
© Patricia Perriman