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Parkinson's - Perception: The brain and emotion
A rose bud begins to form in the garden, with anticipation we await for it to unfold and release it’s fragrance and then admire its beauty, perhaps taking a cutting and trying to persuade this elegant floral to reproduce. All our senses are stimulated and this gives some of us pleasure.
A rose bud begins to form in another garden. Glaring eyes examine the tight bud and realizes it will need a fungal spray if it is to live and be a thing of beauty. Too darn much rain this spring caused leaf spot… This fall those thorny bushes are going to go for their care in more trouble than their worth
Since I was a small child my mother always talked about how she wasn’t going to live another year. It would scare me to death thinking I might get sent to an orphanage because she told me dad could not care for me and my sister alone. Guess what, at 78 she is a stroke survivor, an open heart surgery survivor with a quadruple bypass and walks better than I can. Yet I still hear, Oh I am going to die soon. Recently I told her on one of my more exasperating days to go ahead and get it over with already. She is the type of person who drives us all nuts but surely will be the lone family survivor and bury every last one of us from the stress imposed on the rest of the clan.
I know of a situation where a caregiver has been driven to the brink of suicide from all the demands placed on them by the Parkinson patient. We need to see that our caregivers are nourished on a regular basis because no doubt the extra pressures take the toll. My own father has recently undertaken complete care of my mother, dinners, housework. I try and help with dinners when I can and so it was the other night when I visited. For the first time I saw a man whose vigor as well as wit had seemed to dissipate overnight without me knowing it. It was with sad eyes I asked if he was feeling all right, to which he responded, I’m old. I’m tired. I could only nod and say, I understand.
I wish I could live with reckless abandon and count on my body to perform the activities of daily living so I might be able to keep my life on a schedule instead of having to call friends and break engagements because my meds aren’t working. The last two cruises my family went on I secretly stared at the young legs that took them dancing and sightseeing while I spent my time for the most part in a wheelchair seemingly bumping into objects and trying to manipulate speed bumps caused by different door jambs.
We all react differently to life’s challenges. Some people independently zip the lip and no one is the wiser as to their personal strife. Myself, well I need the therapeutic effect of my friends. Some have infinite wisdom. Others have the ability to make me forget my plight, even if it’s only over a cup of coffee. And then we have those that blame everything on God, the weather, other people……….but by gosh………..the perspective that their happiness lies within themselves never materializes because the air vents between the ears are wise open.
Parkinson’s and the brain – a state of mind or is it mindset. Without question the drugs we take have side effects. From limbs that decide to move when they want, standing frozen to the spot as if in quicksand when all we want to do is relieve our bladder and not humiliate ourselves to interfering with our sexuality, yes all of these affect our state of mind. Parkinsonism destroys the very essence of who we are on the outside. The familiar smile may be gone. Amongst the troopers of this ravishing disease are those that can no longer jog down the street or even support themselves to walk with dignity into a room.
So back to the question of the brain and emotions. We as individuals must answer that question. No caregiver, psychiatrist, doctor or minister has the answer. The key is in our attitude and acceptance. And therein lies the reason for my column Broken Cookies…….the bright side. I have my depressed days, the days filled with pain, but then I look into the youthful eyes of my grandson and say, yes it could be worse. I am still here to be with you, I can read to you. I can speak with you and teach you life’s lessons. I cannot baby sit you alone but we do have quality time.
A state of mind indeed my friends, directly controlled by us through perspective and attitude. Emotional battles are the hardest ones to fight. There is no touch, smell or taste to awaken our defense system against the evil intruder of depression. Like a guardian angel in the night we must stand on guard to protect ourselves and those we love from the demons that try to invade our minds through no fault of our own.
Till next time, keep on looking for the bright side to your broken cookie and I will do the same.
About me! I live in the Detroit metropolitan area and believe my journey started almost 20 years ago but the doctor I saw said, "It's only in your mind." It coincides in a humorous way with this column don't you think? My love to all!
