Patti's Dreams
For as long as I can remember I’ve always had very vivid dreams. Most in techno-color and surround sound. The dreams were anything from army tanks, bears and tornados chasing me, to having my boss show up for work in royal blue satin boxers. The latter being a real nightmare! The dreams only occurred occasionally, maybe once every three to four month.
Recently my dreams have increased in frequency and in activity. They’re still in techno-color and surround sound but now they have become interactive. By that I mean I’m physically and vocally participating in my dreams. There’s the whimpering and moaning I’m told that I do regularly. I can only imagine the content of those dreams since no one wakes me when this happens and I have no recollection of my night’s visions in the morning. I’m assuming they are pleasant moans not painful. Wishful thinking?
Then there are the ones that are not so pleasant. I have horrible dreams where I yell out for help and nobody hears me in my dream but everyone in the house, including the dog, does. I’ve had my family all rush to my room to see why I was screaming like a banshee. These are usually very disturbing and I rarely fall back to sleep after them. These vocal interactions are more common than the physical actions I act out. A few weeks ago I dreamt I was fighting off an attacker only to have my husband wake me up so I would stop striking him. That scares me. What else could I be capable of in my dream state?
The latest in my dream activity I would find comical if I were not afraid of it being the precursor to a more serious problem. In the middle of the night, upon waking, I find myself in a prone position in bed with my feet flat on the floor moving in step like motions. This has happened three times in the past couple of weeks. I do recall in one of these incidences in my dream I was walking in a field. It seems that my participation in my dreams is escalating. I have fears that the next level will be my getting out of bed and moving around the bedroom or worse yet trying to maneuver the steps in my dream world. There is a real chance that this could be very harmful to my health.
Whether these vivid dreams are a result of my Parkinson’s, the medication or just a natural occurrence I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter. I must deal with it because it doesn’t look like they are going to stop anytime soon. Anyway it sure keeps my nights interesting.
Patti Hager
Don't Ask
Sleep is no longer peace, no longer escape, or rest.
I hold myself away from sheer terror.
Sleep contains the drug-demons.
They take themes from my past
they twist them into fear-ridden traps,
confinements I don't even try to escape,
for even to admit hopelessness is to invite hell's river
to lap at my feet, around my chair.
Sleep is paralysis of will
but it is by that will that I must live, more and more.
afraid I'll lose hold on my will-wrought consciousness
afraid I won't get it back next time, in time,
Don't let me be held there by that evil will,
stronger than my will,
that pulls strands of will from deep back in my brain,
behind the places I can control.
It never confronts, only steals,
drains, extracts
from each cell its juicy life.
Dead lie the cells that would let me have peace.
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© the writer sometimes known as Jaye