From One Perspective
by Christine Hall
“You can observe a lot by watching.”... Yogi Berra
This is the story of three men who, until two years ago, were strangers to each other. They were initially brought together by their wives, and, like many other men, were expected to find common ground because the women enjoyed each other’s company. This trio however, already shared more than the usual “male bonding” interests. All of their wives had Parkinson’s disease. Until they met, they had been dealing with the disease in relative isolation. Each had his fears and concerns about the future.
They may have met at different times, but the first time I remember seeing them all together was at a conference for people with Parkinson’s disease and their partners. I noticed them and began to watch them because they seemed similar in so many ways. Since then I have watched them many times, often without them being aware. To know them is also to appreciate their uniqueness as well as their commonalities.
Two of the men had already met through their wives and had traveled together as a foursome for the conference. The third man and his wife were at the beginning of their journey with PD. All had arrived on Friday night expecting to find something to help them deal with this disease - information, support, maybe friendship. I think the men were introduced to each other that evening, a low-key introduction unmarked by any of them as significant. It was a busy weekend filled with activity and opportunities to compare notes with others who had Parkinson’s disease. Over the course of that weekend, observers could see these three gravitate to one another and the relationship had a fledgling beginning. They would have become friends if they had met under any circumstance but they would not have met if had not been for Parkinson’s disease. They would not have continued to meet if their wives had not become close also. Friendships all sparked by a neurological condition.
My attention was drawn to all three men because it was apparent that they were all very watchful and protective of their wives. This caring seemed second nature to them and was extended to anyone in the room who needed help. The second thing that I noticed was the infectious laughter that traveled with them. All of them had the ability to see the humour in the silliest of jokes and draw pleasure from it. Wherever there was laughing, there they were in the middle of it. Their high energy levels also made them seem alike, with all three of them constantly on the go, ready for anything new. Since then I have discovered that they also share their compassionate, emotional natures, their acceptance of others, their honesty and their enthusiasm for life. The conference ended with an activity that involved sharing feelings with the group, an activity that sends most men and many women fleeing. The willingness and sincerity of these three to join foreshadowed their connection to each other.
Promises to meet again after that day have been fulfilled many times. Despite the fact that only two of the three live close together, they have spent hours enjoying each other’s company. With their wives providing the impetus, they have holidayed together and visited each other’s homes. They have shared many active times: hiking, caving, golfing, cooking, cleaning, and partying. They act like they have known each other forever and obviously have fun together. They have seen each other’s best and been there during the not-so-good times as a support system for each other
A very contradictory statement is the only apt way to describe them: “They are the same, but very different.” Alone they represent a man of action, a man of thought and a gregarious man, (aka knife boy, techie boy, cave boy). Together, they have an energy that charges a room. All three are passionate about searching for a cure for Parkinson’s disease and are involved with raising money and helping others to deal with this diagnosis. Whatever happens in their world and the Parkinson’s world, they will have made a difference.
This story began in the past tense and continues in the present. It has really only just begun with this as the first installment. As their wives friendship grows, so does theirs. They are like many other partners of people living with Parkinson’s and deal with the same everyday problems that everyone else has. What is exceptional about them is that they never stay down for long. Together they have a power that they do not have alone. What is exceptional about them is how they are able to show their love and understanding for their wives. What is exceptional about them is that many of their relationships have been built and become stronger because of Parkinson’s disease. They are also exceptional, of course because two of them are married to close friends, Patti and Carol, and one is married to me. Ron Carl and Chris are three true partners who combine resources and energy to successfully turn negatives into positives. It’s hard to be down when they are all around.
A comment;
This story is important because it talks about the strength we find in reaching out to other people. As many of us know, Parkies sometimes withdraw from interaction with other people and that can be difficult to handle. I've seen how it benefits our care-partners to talk to someone who understands their trials and tribulations.
PLWP has a network of carepartners who meet and chat on Friday evenings at 7:30 EST using yahoo messenger. To learn more about this group click here.
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