I was excited about the idea of writing this article, but at the same time, hesitant, because I consider my story to be ordinary, at best. Like most of you, I am now on the Parkinson’s roller coaster ride. My ride began (on a conscious level) in October 2000, and it took off fast and furious. At the time, I had just started a new job as Director of Children’s Music at my home church in Flower Mound, Texas. After working as a Music Teacher for our church’s preschool and kindergarten for two years and volunteering to teach church children’s choirs for the better part of the last 18 years, I thought I had found my ideal dream job. I was working in church music, which I had felt called to do at the age of 14. I was being paid to do what I had volunteered to do for all those years! Plus, I had a new challenge to start an after-school music and arts program as an outreach for children in our community as well as for the children in our 3000 + member congregation.

As soon as I got everything up and running, I began experiencing some very strange neurological symptoms. I had never had anything wrong with me in my life. So not only was I totally thrown by how to deal with illness, but I was hampered in my ability to do my new job. Soon I was caught in the tilt-o-whirl ride of finding a doctor that knew what he was talking about. I was lucky that it only took 4 months to find a doctor who was able to tell me something. Before I knew it, I was wandering through the medication maze. And after another 6 months, we finally got everything adjusted so that I was able to function almost like normal again. (At least for now!)

I think that when anyone encounters a major illness, they experience a spiritual crisis in their life. I am no different in that regard. However the crisis I experienced was shaped by my deep faith in God and the personal relationship with Christ that I have had for the last 30 years. I did not understand how this could happen when I was finally doing what I felt that God had called me to do.

Even more than I love teaching Christian music to kids, I love singing it. During the early struggles in my illness, it became apparent that PD was affecting my voice and probably had been for a few years. My biggest crisis of faith came when I experienced a tremor in my voice one day. I absolutely freaked out! I had never had a panic attack until that evening. I was horrified. It was one thing for God to allow this illness in my life. But would He allow my voice to be taken, when it is the very means by which I communicate my faith to others, not to mention the way by which I experience my closest communion with God? This was my lowest point. I was angry, scared and depressed. And, I have to admit, I was asking the "why me" question.

But even through that period of my PD roller coaster ride, what I never questioned was God’s love. When one of my children doesn’t get their own way, I occasionally am accused of not loving them or not caring about them. But is that true? Of course not! I’m simply expressing my love in a way that’s different than what they want. It’s the same with God. When something bad happens to us, He doesn’t always "fix" things the way we want. But that doesn’t mean He loves us any less.

I got through that crisis with God’s help. He sent people into my life, some from the Parkinson’s community and many from my church, who were the arms of God to wrap around me, and the voice of God to whisper into my ear how much He loves me. The "why me" question began to change to "what do I do with this?"

Gradually, I have begun to receive answers to this new question. In Matthew 7, Jesus said, "Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for bread, will give a stone? Or if the child asks for a fish, will give a snake? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" God did not give me Parkinson’s Disease. But He is giving me answers about what to do with it. And He wants wonderful things for me, not bad.

I have been amazed at the things that have begun happening in my life despite Parkinson’s. Some of those things have been so extraordinary, that there is no explanation for them other than their being directly from God. My medications are working very well and they have even helped my voice! In addition, I found a vocal coach with some very different vocal techniques than I had been taught. In a short time, my voice is stronger than ever and getting stronger every day. None of this is MY doing, but only by the grace of God is His power made perfect in my weakness. (II Corinthians 12:9) So even against all odds at this time in my life, I am feeling God’s call to a new ministry – one of singing and speaking – for as long as I am able. Parkinson’s cannot stop God from accomplishing what He desires if we are willing to follow Him. It is my privilege, to testify to God’s love and His deep desire to ride along with all of us on whatever crazy rides that come our way.

So my story may be ordinary. And believe me, I often feel broken and incapable because PD reminds me that it’s there every single day. But all through the Bible, God used ordinary, broken, and seemingly incapable people to do mighty things. And He promises to work in us to bring about good things if we give ourselves to Him. He will do the same for you, too, no matter how ordinary, unworthy, broken or incapable you think you are. Let me close with a scripture that has become very meaningful in my life just in the past few weeks. It is Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Are you willing to reach out and take God’s "righteous right hand" so that He can "strengthen you and help you?" I can promise that if you do, you are in for the best ride of your life!

Pam Michel

Dx’d in February 2001

Young Onset PD