Since September 11, many of us have tried to get on with living and sort of walk thru life in a state of numbness. We walk, talk and breathe what's going on in the world today. Either we're glued to the TV, newspaper and/or radio or we're avoiding it like the plague, trying to think everything will be fine. Even avoidance takes a conscious effort, it's still on our mind. First, we were in shock. It was like a nightmare that we couldn't wake up from. Then as reality set in, our hearts were broken for the ones suffering and intense with the
awareness that there were people who could do such ruthless deeds. For days, we waited anxiously for survivors to be found, for leads to the culprits and for peace and the feeling of security to wrap its arms around us. Now I sit here, trying to determine my state of mind and heart at this moment. Am I still heart broken? Am I still dismayed by such heartless terror? Am I still insecure as to the safety of not just myself, not just my country but for the human race in general? The answer to all of these questions is YES! Somehow, I feel guilty
that I complain about being a Parky. In comparison to the state of the world, my own war seems so insignificant. So I found myself walking thru my days in a state of indifference …yes, indifference. Oh, I pray everyday for this unsettlement of life, as we know it. I talk boldly about the unity of mankind and how proud I am of it and to be a part of it. I've made my contribution to the cause and hung our nation's flag with pride. But there's still a hole in the pit of my stomach that yearns to be filled. So, unintentionally, I filled it with the
facade of indifference clothed in a suit of faith that all will be well. My problem is, it didn't work. The facade is not strong enough to stand firm against the fear. I'm realizing more and more, the similarities of my two wars are many. I'll try to explain it to you and to myself.
You know how you feel when you go OFF? Can you identify the worse part of it? Is it the dullness of mind? Is it the nausea? Is it the feeling of vulnerability that engulfs you? Is the feeling of entrapment? Though all of these are really retched, I believe the worse part is the "fear". The fear of never coming back from it, of losing yet another ability, losing another freedom. And at that thought I stopped typing and realized vividly that I had was on to something.
Fear is generally synonymous with life threatening. I really don't think that's the case right now. I believe we are afraid of the threat to our freedoms. I know I am. It's the same with PD, I'm not afraid of dying ...just afraid of losing my independence...my freedom to be me. Yes, there are many similarities here.
The hole in the pit of my stomach is the need to help defend our freedom. But how can I possibly do that? As I said earlier, I've already contributed financially and our nation's flag is hanging on my house. But that really didn't do it for me. As I've thought about this, I think I've found my answer. The purpose of terrorism is to spread fear and insecurity. To shake the very foundation of a person, culture or country. What it comes down to then is "we the people" have a huge responsibility...one that without us our country will not survive
regardless of the strength and fortitude of our leaders. We must keep on keeping on! We must continue to live as we did before September 11. We must continue to go on trips, go to work, share our hearts and fight our own personal wars. By "we the people" standing up to the fear, we've already won the war.
Let's all get a move on and show the blues and the fear to the door! Ok Mom, I'm getting my butt in gear, I've got living to do!
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