FEELING LOVED
When people see some things as beautiful,
Other things become ugly.
When people see some things as good,
Other things become bad.
(Tao Te Ching, Chapter 2)
Several months ago I wrote about how dangerous and destructive pride and egos can be and I suggested letting go of things many people hold dear. A friend of mine who is a psychologist read the column and told me what I offered would be impossible for a person to achieve unless they had a strong support system and felt unconditional love. My friend makes an excellent point, a person has to have something to hang onto. So, where do we find love? Some of us have strong ties to our families and friends, while others seem disconnected and completely
alone.
The experiences we had as children in large part shaped the image we have of ourselves today. If family and 'friends' frequently dump negative labels on a child, (stupid, mean, unwanted, little monster, etc), sooner or later the child could well begin to view themselves in the same way, and can grow up thinking they aren't worthy of anyone's love. If someone tries to befriend them, this person knows that they aren't worth loving and the person offering it has to be crazy, stupid or is trying to get something out of them. They might well push
the would-be-friend away or run from them. With this attitude a person can never feel love from anyone, owning a cat or dog may be about as close as they will ever get. I believe you honestly have to love yourself before you can feel and accept love from someone else.
Becoming ones own best friend can be extremely painful and enormously rewarding. We might have to sort through cobwebs and boxes in the attic to really find out who we are. Making all the pieces fit in the puzzle can be never-ending and a great adventure. The very first step in this process is to stop making judgements. Quit labeling our behavior and feelings as 'good' or 'bad'. They just 'are'. I know several people who are extremely tolerant and accepting of things in others, but are unable to approve the same characteristics in themselves.
They hold themselves to a much higher standard ... sometimes an impossible standard. So they busily slap negative labels all over themselves, "Oh! I shouldn"t feel that way." or, "That was rotten of me to do that." or, "I'm such an idiot! Why did I do that?". Get rid of this garbage! In the first place, feelings are neither good or bad, there is a reason for every emotion, but we don't have to justify the reason for any of them. We are human beings and yes, we do make mistakes, but we don't have to drag that cross along for eternity. Learning
to forgive ourselves just as we would any of our friends is a big step.
Once we can accept, 'This is who I am' without any real positive or negative feelings, then we can begin to make changes and become the person we want to be. Maybe it can be done with a series small changes or bigger and bigger ones over time. Each of us is a work in progress, evolving with everything else in the universe. Lets quit labeling, and learn to love ... ourselves.
send mail to John at:
jcrusey@woh.rr.com
y@woh.rr.comwoh.rr.com
